Constant Parent - Ego II

The Constant Parent who operates from a Nurturing Parent expression may want to take care of everyone. Where the Constant Critical Parent wants to command, criticize, and control, the Nurturing Parent wants to help, rescue, and soothe.They may become highly offended when their gestures of help seem unappreciated and unwanted, and become a wounded victim who complains, "I was only trying to help".

The Constant Nurturing Parent may be the smothering matriarch who plans holidays for everyone in the family, or tries to solve the physical ailments of everyone in the family. Or he may be the meddlesome neighborhood handyman banging on the neighbor's broken fence at seven o'clock in the morning, whining in wounded tones when confronted, "but I was only trying to help".

The recognized game of "I'm Only Trying to Help You", or "IOTTHY", makes it maddeningly difficult to "get through" to the Constant Nurturing Parent; "What in the world are you doing hammering on my fence at seven o'clock on a Saturday morning?" "I saw you hadn't fixed your fence yet, and since I had the tools and material, I thought I'd go ahead and fix it. I was only trying to help", pouts the Constant Nurturing Parent.

"I can fix the fence myself", huffs the sleepy and frazzled neighbor. "But you work so many long hours, I thought it would make everything easier if I just did it myself", the Constant Parent blurts out in wounded disbelief that his irritated neighbor can't see his great generosity. And on and on it goes. The Constant Nurturing Parent refuses to see what an annoyance they are.

The Constant Parent has rigidly embraced the critical and authoritarian introjections of his or her own parents or care givers, and has very little skill or self-awareness to move appropriately from one ego state to another. A rigidly developed life script, born of embracing those rigid introjections, has left him or her with a fortified Parent Ego structure that leaves them in many ways unapproachable and unattractive to others. They may do well in authoritarian occupations like business management, military leadership, and political office, but may find great turmoil and difficulty in relationships.

(continued from part I)